Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Our Angel Baby

Six years ago today, May 8th, 2006, we lost our first precious little angel. I was about 12 1/2 weeks along, and although I wanted everything to happen "naturally" we had waited for over a month for my miscarriage to be complete and to happen, but that never did.  After so much time my doctor recommended that we go ahead and schedule a D&C. I so didn't want to take that path, but after seeing the baby not growing for three weeks in a row as well as no heartbeat, trying to continue to wait it out was making each and every day tougher to handle. I was still nauseous and getting sick and had many of the signs and symptoms of being in my first trimester, but the only difference was the baby was not growing at all. I can remember laying in the chair of the ultrasound room for the third week in a row and no growth at all occurring and our doctor, Dr. Shirley, asked me, "What do you feel is God's will in your life right now." I knew that there was no way this baby was ever going to grow and as hard as it was to come to terms with that, I knew that God had other plans for our family at that moment. Did that make it easier to handle, no... definitely not at the time. Do I ever think of that sweet baby... of course. Anyone that has ever been through a miscarriage knows how tough it is on your body physically and emotionally and it is something that you will never, ever forget. God has continued to bless us far more than we deserve though, and although I don't know why he decided that our first baby was never meant to be held in our arms, I will always trust in Him and thank him for my amazing 4 miracles that he gave Eric and I every single day.