December 14, 2012

On Thursday night Eric looked at me and said, "Jackson's getting sick." With Jackson, all you have to do to know if he is sick or not, is to look at his eyes. If he is sick, his eyes will definitely show that he is. Later that night he started complaining that he wasn't feeling well and that he wanted to sleep in our room. When I woke him up yesterday morning and checked his temperature, he had a fever of 100.9 (which isn't a high fever at all for Jackson), and asked how he was feeling. He said, "bad" and rolled over and went back to sleep, and I decided to let him stay home for the day. A couple of hours later (when his Tylenol kicked in,) I was feeling kind of guilty letting him stay home since he was running around with his sisters and having a great time. It wasn't just a few short minutes after I had that moment of guilt that the horrific events of yesterdays tragedy began to unfold. Some evil monster went into a school where he shot and killed 27 people, 20 of them being children. I instantly broke into tears and then got my four babies on my couch so we could read some books and watch some cartoons together, and that moment of guilt I had earlier was gone. I was glad that I had all four of my kids there with me at that moment. I was glad that I could hug them, kiss them, and tell them how much I loved them. I was heartbroken for those parents that lost their sweet precious babies for absolutely no reason at all, and would never again be able to hug, kiss or love on their kids. I was heartbroken for the family members & friends of the adults that lost their lives while trying to protect and take care of those sweet children. I was heartbroken for all of those children in that school that lost their innocence in just a few minutes while having to hear the shots of a gun being fired throughout the school, a place that should never be a scary or dangerous place for a kid. I was heartbroken for the teachers, staff, and volunteers at that school, and can't imagine the fear they had while trying to protect those classes full of children that they love so dearly. Tears streamed down my face thinking of how when my children are scared or hurt the only thing they want is mommy and daddy. I cried thinking of those parents waiting at the local fire department with their arms aching for their child to run into them for comfort and security.  I cried thinking that my children are growing up in a world that is completely different from when my grandparents, parents, and even myself grew up in. They have to grow up in a world of monsters that can harm beautiful, innocent little children. I am sad for so many reasons, too many to list, but there are things that I am thankful for. I am so grateful that I have a God that tells me not to worry or to fear tomorrow, even though this seems so incredibly hard at the moment. I am thankful that through Jesus we have comfort in knowing that this life is not the end, but that we are promised eternal life in Heaven after this one, if we only accept Him as our savior. And, as I prayed over each one of my children last night while they were sleeping in their bed, I thanked God again, like I do every day, for choosing me to be their mother. I prayed that they would never have to deal with a monster like these children had to. I prayed, like millions of others are doing, for the families and friends of those innocent victims, to hold them close during a time that no one should ever have to go through. I prayed and thanked Him for His word that says, "The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit." Psalm 34:18.